Robot Combat

Robot Wars Season 4 Recap

Sorpion_Robot Wars Season 4
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Burn-In. Burn-Out. Season 4 recap

I’ve got my axe grinding gear out, and I’m in full sharpening mode! All this ‘modifying/upgrading’ has really given me heart grief — although, that could be last night’s pizza…. From the trials in Robot Wars series 1, to the lack thereof in series 3 (a.k.a. their useless rebirth separate from the championship games), I’d hope they’d figure out the magic combo 4 years in…. apparently not. The show runners? Weapons of mass confusion. What I’m getting at is the structure has shifted yet again. Consistency, people!

I will say, I dig the three-way head-to-headers, but bet your bottom dollar they’ll have nixed that come season 5…sheesh.

I made you a graphic as I am wont to do (i.e. I don’t wanna have to explain it), but I’m getting pretty tired of doing them. Not because I don’t love you, but because it takes time. Reminder: I am lazy.
Series4Graphic_TourneyChanges_v2

RE-ACTIVATING RANT

…and oh, how you blow, humanity! Your need to ‘destroy’ has once again been overshadowed by your need to be politically correct. What is Refbot and why do we need one? Was this flashy, non-combative bot just an attempt to drive ratings or did someone run to mummy and complain about the damage being inflicted upon their incompetent bot? I’m not sure, but my money’s on both! I wonder if it was Chillicot… He seems the type, no?
Robot Wars Season 4 - Refbot
Oh! Oh! And who are the dancing girls?! Since when did Robot Wars become a variety show?

Robot Wars Season 4 – Cheerleaders kinda – Streamable

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Smack. My. Face. Hopefully the new series will have its knickers on the right way.

IN OTHER NEWS…

Guess who got knocked up? Just like the show, previous hostess Forrester came back ‘bigger and better’ than ever, but turned the reins over to Julia Reed to keep the crews in the pit ‘settled.’ Apparently, any chick allowed to be televised must be blonde and rail-like.

Well, at least at first… Uncalled for? Sorry, Philippa.

The contestants didn’t seem to warm up to the new pit interviewer until… well, never really. Poor Reed…. It was so very awkward at times. You know when you overcompensate when trying to prove yourself or when you’re just plain insecure? Yep, that was Julia….
Julia Reedblock
Ummm, Reed? I don’t think you’re supposed to block a contestant’s head with your forearm — regardless of how small or childlike they are.

Suffice it to say, she did give it the old college try. She flunked out a couple of times, but finished out Robot Wars season 4 relatively unscathed. Hey, C’s get degrees, right?

While I’m sure I could go on and on about Heat this and Heat that, I’m not gonna. I will, however and as usual, provide you with some of my own meanderings about the Fourth Wars.

CLUSTER WHAAA?

What in Baby Biagio is a clusterbot? I’ll tell you what a clusterbot is! It’s Gemini. Have you ever seen Big Hero 6? Think Megabot. Exactly as it sounds, a clusterbot is one with multiple connecting units that, when triggered, can detach and attack individually.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Clusterbot – Streamable

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Now, most of you might feel like clusterbots are the best thing since sliced bread or Jesus. Then there are those that may feel as though clustering is unfair…. To you I say, take a long walk off of a short pier because the world no longer needs pansies such as yourselves.

They did institute an immobilization rule specific to clusterbots. Should one of the units be immobilized for more than 30 seconds, the entire bot is disqualified.

Happy?

An aside: Should ever you wish to shower me with threats of death, feel free to send them to my ex. He’ll REALLY enjoy that….

Apparently, there was a little bit of deception on the part of Gemini’s creators… What’s this about pilfering from Chaos 2 creators and building a bot based on their sneaky findings?

Don’t believe me? Straight from the yearling’s mouth!

Robot Wars Season 4 – Gives up secrets – Streamable

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Poor clusterbot ended up getting served (served right, that is) by Tornado, for being a two-timing you-know-what design thief!

Robot Wars Season 4 – Gemini clusterbots taken out by Tornado – Streamable

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BATTEN DOWN YOUR TRAILERS, A TORNADO’S A COMIN’!

Holy speed demon, Batman, this bot is fast! Team Tornado (Moss, Gamble, and Marchant) took the competition by storm with their 220 lb., 1500 Watt powerhouse. The bot wreaked pure unadulterated HAVOC upon the Robot Wars season 4 arena, and all who entered (excepting Chaos 2…) were demolished in expert displays of beautiful aggression.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Tornado going crazy – Streamable

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ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID, NEVER A BRIDE…

Every time. Every flippin’ time they flippin’ lose. Razer. I don’t get it. This bot is beautifully engineered/designed, and yet every single season they have a malfunction of some sort and are immobilized. EVERY SINGLE SEASON! I don’t know where these guys ended up (you know, in the real world), but I certainly hope (for man’s sake) they aren’t crucial to nuclear weapons ops and/or maintenance.

Just sayin’.

Razer early robot wars

Runner-up: Is there such a thing as a negative seed slot? Mortis does not deserve to be seeded. Once again, they failed to deliver. Enough said.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Mortis fails hard – Streamable

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IT’S NO SURPRISE, SURPRISE

We have us a bit of debate! Unlike series 3, which was mired in controversial muck, only three series 4 bouts threw some real dirt. Of course, there was the Gemini scandal, but I doubt you want me to rave about that again.

Attila the Drum Eliminated

While not much of a dispute here, the crowd definitely did not agree with the judges’ ruling. Apparently, some felt that Medusa 2000 did not put in as much effort or exhibited as much aggression as Attila, even though A.D. was a little ‘slow’ at times.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Judges are booed – Streamable

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Morgue vs Firestorm 2

It was a bit of a boohoo, the Morgue controversy. The Heat C final saw Firestorm 2 the victor, although they were stuffed in a pit towards the end of the bout. This caused The Morgue’s operators to hoot and holler, only to find their celebrating cut short by… well, the judges, of course. Keep in mind, Morgue had been reinstated post their initial three-way due to another competitor’s (Scar) breaking down before the final, AND they were getting their ass kicked. Sooo, fate? Most definitely.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Morgue barely wins – Streamable

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Wheely Big Cheese vs Suicidal Tendencies

Here’s another case of the pit-don’t-count ruling given by the judges. Everyone THOUGHT Wheely Big Cheese was a shoo-in. They thought wrong. Suicidal Tendencies put in some work! Not only were they dishing, but Wheely ran into the pit towards the end of the bout. Even the smoke bomb was triggered! I mean, HELLO! Obviously, the judges had some old beef with Team Thermonuclear Warfare. Some jerky, if you will.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Wheely into the pit! – Streamable

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THE FINALS (IN GENERAL…)

I would say something about the semis but there’s nothing really to say. The usual suspects took part (Chaos 2, Hypno-Disc) and surprise, surprise the usual suspects went on to the Grand Final (Chaos 2…Hypno-Disc…).

It got a smidge (emphasis on smidge) more interesting during the FINAL final, as (SHOCKER) Hypno-Disc lost to (GASP) Pussycat. You may remember Pussycat from Robot Wars season 3. You know…the team who cheated and were disqualified for it? I guess they had something to prove. Well, at least until they lost the final kitty to Chaos 2 (in a not-at-all epic bout, I might add).

You heard it folks. Chaos 2 won it all. Again.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Chaos 2 beats Pussycat – Streamable

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Is anyone else getting a wee bit tired of the reign of Chaos? It’s flip this and flip that…. Over it! Over them.

Speaking of Swan…

WHO’S THE BULLY NOW!

Chaos 2, that’s who. Right outta the gate, they came swingin’! I guess somebody’s got a little confidence now, and you know what a big head can do to you. It can make you mean. Check out their first heat back (Heat A).

Robot Wars Season 4 – Chaos 2 is a bully – Streamable

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Let Sergeant have a go, will you? You didn’t HAVE to flip Indefatigable over the wall.

One thing’s for sure… Swan isn’t winning any good sportsmanship awards anytime soon.

A COUPLE QUICK SHOUT-OUTS

  • Gravedigger (Heat G) – getting spun by Sir Kill made everyone’s heart skip a beat. A beat of joy, that is.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Tossing the bot – Streamable

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  • Scorpion (Heat C Sumo)- I figured this bot deserved a little shout-out due to it resembling a deformed dildo on wheels (a.k.a. ET’s pleasure toy).

Sorpion_Robot Wars Season 4

  • Stinger (Heat J) – What can I say? This bot has it all; maneuverability, maneuverability, and a sick-ass weapon!

Robot Wars Season 4 – Stinger goes up and over – Streamable

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  • Bulldog Breed 2 (Heat J) – A la Peter Pan, “He can fly, he can fly, he can flyyyyyy!”

Robot Wars Season 4 – Up and awaaaay – Streamable

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  • Millennium Bug (Heat N) – this walker walked its way into my heart…slowly but surely.

Robot Wars Season 4 – Wibbble wobble of death – Streamable

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One thing was for sure this season; seeds don’t mean squat. Well, except in the case of Chaos 2. Just because a bot’s been around the block a few times does not a champion make! Again, except for Chaos 2…jeez.

It’s time to start searching for a new mate, friends. The ole’ boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t looking so shiny and new these days. I crave mystery, intrigue! I guess I shouldn’t complain overly much as we were introduced to Gemini, the clusterbot who ended up cluster fucking his way out of winnerhood (coined it!). I’m sure Gemini gave many a robotics nerd lewd fantasies about creating the perfect orgy of units and making them come together as one (have we discussed your dirty minds lately?).

Okay, okay… I know what you’re thinking. This recap was just a big bag of rants! You’d be correct in your estimation. I have come to expect more from the show, more from the competition. Where’s the innovation? Where’s the spark?

There comes a time in every serial where the “wow factor” begins to age; to fade. Unfortunately, I think Old Father I’m-So-Through-with-You has reared his ugly head and has directed his attention towards Robot Wars.

The fifth season will have to simultaneously appeal to bot-junkies-from-birth and to the general masses, who may not have a strong enough desire to see the same fight played out again and again. We shall see, shan’t we.

Make sure to check out the Robot Wars series 5 recap: “Reign Over, Man. Reign Over.”

FORTUNE COOKIE: Losers need no longer beware, a third attempt given will now make it “fair.”

Fortune Cookie answer for robot wars series 4

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