Robot Combat

Robot Wars Season 3 Recap

Winners of season 3 Robot Wars cog trophy
Season 3 cog trophy

Robot Wars: The Proof’s in the Payload. Season 3 recap

Now that the Ginger Nut Biscuit Crisis is over, we can shift our focus back to the most important anything since ASIMO; the third series of Robot Wars. The bots got cleaner, the competitors definitely got meaner, and the show finally dumped some dough into itself.

Even the audience seemed to get a bit rowdier… a bit more mob-like. I can still hear all the scary people chanting “PIT, PIIT, PIT,” behind their plexiglas cages… A bit alarming after season upon season of good-naturedness. Still, it was awfully purdy to watch!

New Bits

Floor flippers, new cabins, and circ. saws, oh my! These new set pieces made my heart percolate like freshly brewing Monday morning coffee. Mmmm… yummy. We also saw an increase in teammage, which led to yet another restructuring of the games.

The championship bouts (head2heads) comprised the main tourney with a little side action in the form of trials. These meant bupkis. While exciting, they were just audience fluffers. And fluff the audience, they did!

Take a quick gander at some of these upgrades.

Robot Wars Series 3 – New arena weapon – Streamable

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Wall mounted circular saws.

Robot Wars Series 3 – New circular saws – Streamable

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Need to Know

I thought I should be a responsible recapper/recappor?/recap-per? and start defining those terms that show up a lot. You know, the ones that the average non-nerd might need to know in order to fully understand what the hell coggies are talking about. And, since everyone (a.k.a. @RobotWarsTopNws) thought my series 2 graphics were delicious, I thought I’d give you a little season 3 treat. Therefore, I present to you — Blah Bot. The laziest, most non-fuck-giving robot this side of the great divide. Today he tells you what a srimech is. Behold his meh-like majesty!
Blah Bot self righting mechanism desription
While I have no qualms about beating you over the head with endless bits of non-thematic rantings, I chose to provide you with a juicy through-line. It’s time for some drama!

The Season of Controversy

It was only a matter of time before corruption and loose morals flooded R. Dubya’s halls (and the judges’ cabin, apparently…) — and I, being a good little instigator, felt it important to catalog the top 5 most questionable goings-on in season 3.

Number 5
Blade vs Spike (Heat C): Apparently “cease” actually means that you should continue to push your opponent into a pit because you’re a bit of a bully… who kinda cheats…and is named Blade.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Blade vs Spike skullduggery – Streamable

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Number 4
Big Brother vs Ultor (Heat D): Isn’t it a little telling when actual competitors overrule the judges? Team Ultor didn’t feel ‘right’ about their win and therefore passed the title to their competitor… behind the judges’ backs. Honor amongst coggies. How very touching. Or maybe they just felt bad for Little Joe. Kids… they’ll punch you in the sack every time, right boys?

Robot Wars Series 3 – Awwww – Streamable

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Number 3
Pussycat vs Scutter’s Revenge (Heat M): Oh, Pussy. Hardened steel blades? Baaaad kitty! Deflategate-esque in nature, Team Cold Fusion thought replacing a part prior to this bout was ‘good strategy.’ They thought wrong.

Robot Wars Series 3 – This is naughty now! – Streamable

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Aww… don’t cry, guys. Getting disqualified is what happens when you cheat — and get caught. And Scutter has its revenge.

Number 2
Darke Destroyer vs T2 (Heat F): While this wasn’t the most epic of battles, it was some real Mad Max sh*t! That aside, T2 (a) did the most damage, (b) exhibited the most control, and (c) styled the shit outta that arena, but were they ushered through? No. Apparently their “weapon” wasn’t as aggressive as DD’s….

Robot Wars Series 3 – T2 vs Darke Destroyer controversy – Streamable

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I thought I should step outside of my bias and poll you, the people, to get a more well-rounded perspective.

Agreed? Agreed.

HeatC_Controversy_Poll

Number 1
Raizer Blade vs Suicidal Tendencies (Heat A): Ummm… that ruling? Pure HORSE CRAP! Suicidal Tendencies was WAY less violent then R.B. and was quasi immobilized (stalled-out track) for a big chunk of the battle! Okay, there was a part where R.B.’s operators were a little overzealous and drove their bot into the pit, but come on! I wonder what Hart, Andrews, and Scotcher (Raizer’s operators) did to tick-off the judges…. P-U-R-E-E-F-F-I-N-H-O-R-S-E-C-R-A-P!

Robot Wars Series 3 – Raizer Blade vs Suicidal Tendencies – Streamable

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Don’t worry. Suicidal Tendencies didn’t make it much farther.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Mace vs Suicidal Tendencies – Streamable

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Survey says?

HeatA_Controversy_Poll

You chose… wisely.

I would like to thank all four of you (whoever you are) for participating in my Twitter polls. I appreciate the four of you. You four are the best followers a gal could hope for.

The Semis

All I have time to touch on here is … the rematch. Mace 2 vs Chaos 2. Series 2 saw Mace take the crown, but this year the king was dethroned! Chaos showed us a little qu’est-ce que c’est — bossy bitch? tossing Mace around like it’s little ***insert your own colorful term here***. Take a peek at the pneumatic number Chaos does on Mace.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Mace 2 vs Chaos 2 – Streamable

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Revenge was the goal, and revenge was indeed had.

Winnah, Winnah, Chicken Dinnah!

The Grand Final saw Chaos 2 weed out the competition one zippy flip at a time. Its liquid CO2 powered apparatus doubled as a srimech, making it impossible for their battle-mates to gain the competitive edge. Most believed Hypno-Disc would take the bird, as their penchant for destruction had known no bounds. But polycarbonate prevailed, and with the final flicking, Team Chaos became the third tourney champion. Robot the Bruce has been vindicated!
Hypno gets tossed by Chaos 2 in the Grand Final.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Chaos 2 vs Hypnodisk – Streamable

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Funning around in Heat E against Crocodillatron

Robot Wars Series 3 – Chaos 2 vs Crocodillatron – Streamable

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The Bully on the Block

There’s always that one kid in the neighborhood who puts the ‘bull’ in cold-heartless-terrorizer. I don’t know why, but he (or she) always seems to be big-n-brawny, have ginger hair and a fiery temper to match. That’s the way it is in movies, at least. They deal dozens of merciless beat downs while avoiding trouble themselves. In the third series, that description belonged to one and one only. Hypno-Disc.

This 220-pounder packed a powerful punch, buckling its opponents’ husks one revolution at a time. All the other contenders were horrified by the damage this WMD was capable of and didn’t think twice about crying to Philippa about their fears.

Evidence of his brutality…

Robot Wars Series 3 – Hypno-disk devilish destruction – Streamable

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Even though Hypno immobilized Stealth, the operators continued to torture until all that was left was… well, nothing.

Battle Royale

There’s always one knock-down, drag-out each season that raises the hairs in all sorts of places. Last season it was Chaos vs Wheelosaurus. Before that, it was Somebody vs Somebody Else. Now it is BEHOMOTH vs PIT-EFFIN-BULL (Heat B). Apparently, Smith, Harper, and Sharkey felt that Chaos 2 vs The Big Cheese was this season’s epic, but I wholeheartedly disagree.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Behemoth – Streamable

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Behemoth, you plow hard, you plow dirty. But alas, you still got bitten by the beast (a.k.a. Pitbull the Mighty Jaw, or the Jaw of Might?).

Bringing the House Down

This also happened to be a season chock-full of embarrassment for the house bots. None were immune to ridicule.
Poor Matty got her pants pulled down by Aggrobot. And in front of the boys, no less!

Robot Wars Series 3 – Aggro Pantsing Matilda – Streamable

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My bestie, the Deliverer of Doom (a.k.a. Killalot), got a little crispy when trying to roast some fresh meat during Heat G…

Robot Wars Series 3 – Killalot’s on fire! – Streamable

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And of course, there was the Chaos 2 ‘demonstration’ during the Grand Final.

Robot Wars Series 3 – Chaos 2 taking out house robots – Streamable

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Guys, get your spit together!

Final Thoughts

While maximum payload may be the key to maneuverability and long-lastingness (it’s a word!), bad adjudication wins outright…every. single. time. Robot Wars is no longer the green, doe-eyed show it was in its first two seasons. Of course, innocence is always lost with a certain amount of inbreeding, but one would hope that the reality-show-drama-inducing-tactics utilized by lesser shows would be left to, well those lesser shows. Sigh.

The Third Wars did manage to inspire, though. I’m sure the Wars’ll have even more entrants, even more episodes, and even more minutes per episode (another sigh) in season 4. Oh, it should have more controversy too, which is enough to keep me tuned in.

Be on the lookout for the season 4 recap, Burn-In. Burn-Out.

Series 4 Fortune Cookie: One should not Reed too much into a change of steed.

But substitute ‘steed’ with ‘mare.’ Not out loud, though. Substitute in your head while you read it. I promised rhyming, you got rhyming.

Fortune Cookie answer for Robot Wars Season 3

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